he first time I was married, I didn’t always have sex with my husband when he wanted it. In fact, there were plenty of nights when I feigned headaches, being tired, or even being already asleep when he came to bed so I didn’t have to perform my “wifely duty.” After our two daughters came along, I had even more excuses. “Tired” was the big one that he heard more times than I can count. Clearly, I didn’t understand the importance of sex.
What I Learned With the crumbling (and eventual death) of my marriage, I learned many things. One of the things that I learned was just how very important sex is in healthy, loving marriage. Here’s the thing about sex. Sex in a marriage is something that you should do as a loving act toward your spouse, even when you’re not necessarily in the mood for it. It’s really no different than doing housework or cooking dinner when it’s the last thing that you want to do. The thing is, housework and cooking is something that you do in life as one of those necessities — you can’t put off making meals and cleaning your house if you expect to have a good relationship and good quality of life. In short, saying “no” to sex with your partner should not be an option. Loving your partner means doing things that sometimes you don’t necessarily want to do. It means doing what I was unwilling to do in my first marriage: sometimes putting your own wants or needs behind that of your partner.
What? You Don’t Agree? Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that I’m being completely unrealistic when it comes to sex in a marriage. But here’s the beautiful thing about sex: like housework, sometimes it’s okay to “half-ass it.” You can half-ass sex just like you half-ass dinner: not every session needs to be a four-course meal; there are sexual equivalents of “cereal for dinner” on those nights when you happen to be too tired or have too much on your mind to really get into it. Don’t get me wrong — it shouldn’t be like this every time, of course. Just like being lazy and having takeout for dinner is okay now and again, it’s not something that you can do every night and expect to be happy and healthy. Fast-food sex should be looked at in the same way: every now and again it’s fine, but when it starts happening on a regular basis, then you’ve got problems that need to be dealt with.
And a Note for Men… Now, having said all of that, this does come with one catch. Men, you shouldn’t take advantage of this. You still need to be sensitive to your woman on those days when motherhood kicks her butt or she was working late to meet a deadline. The idea of putting your partner’s needs ahead of your own works both ways. So only put the moves on your lovely lady when you know that it’s not going to just be one more item on her “to do” list that day. And don’t forget the romance, either. A good healthy sex life keeps a marriage alive and thriving. It’s difficult (if not impossible) to feel connected to someone emotionally if you’re not connecting with them physically. Sex needs to be one of the top priorities in your relationship with your spouse … because it’s a heck of a lot easier to keep the fire burning than to try and rebuild it after it’s gone out. So next time “not tonight, honey, I’m too tired” is about to pass your lips, why not try using them to please your partner instead? You just might surprise yourself … and him, too.
From Parentsociety.com/ Posted by Mags
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