How to Handle Awkward Bedroom Situations
Sex is more than an expression of love or lust. It can also be comical – or embarrassing. While passion may carry the day, opportunities abound for an etiquette “oops” that can make you – or your partner – a story that’s shared with friends for years. Read on for five bedroom blunders and how to handle them. Plus, test your own sex etiquette IQ…
1. One partner is more experimental than the other
Massages, concert tickets and flowers make great surprises. Blindfolds, handcuffs and a riding crop do not.
Same goes for tush play – it’s poor manners (and possibly assault) to try to slip in there without asking first.
If you want to take a walk on the wild side, talk first.
Though women tend to think guys are up for anything involving sex, it’s not unusual to encounter someone who could be a bit intimidated by your adventurous streak and prefers his sex without frills.
Now, if it’s your partner who’s suggesting you try something beyond your comfort zone, remember that it takes some courage to let down your guard and reveal that you’ve got a certain kink.
Same goes for tush play – it’s poor manners (and possibly assault) to try to slip in there without asking first.
If you want to take a walk on the wild side, talk first.
Though women tend to think guys are up for anything involving sex, it’s not unusual to encounter someone who could be a bit intimidated by your adventurous streak and prefers his sex without frills.
Now, if it’s your partner who’s suggesting you try something beyond your comfort zone, remember that it takes some courage to let down your guard and reveal that you’ve got a certain kink.
It’s considered bad manners to a) laugh; b) look disgusted; or c) run from the room shrieking “You freak!” That doesn’t mean you ever have to do it. But you might find out more before writing it off completely.
“Often someone will say ‘That’s the weirdest, craziest thing I’ve ever heard,’ and they’ll tell their friends who’ll say ‘That’s not that crazy, why are you reacting like that?’” says Emma Taylor, one half of sexpert team Em & Lo, authors of the book Em & Lo’s Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories(Chronicle Books, 2006).
“Or maybe they’ll Google it and find out that it’s a common thing to do.”
One way to road test something kinky while staying in your comfort zone, Taylor says, is to fantasize about it together during regular sex. If it’s still a no-go, then your partner should respect your boundaries.
If he presses you at all, consider whether he’s the right guy for you.
“Often someone will say ‘That’s the weirdest, craziest thing I’ve ever heard,’ and they’ll tell their friends who’ll say ‘That’s not that crazy, why are you reacting like that?’” says Emma Taylor, one half of sexpert team Em & Lo, authors of the book Em & Lo’s Sex Toy: An A-Z Guide to Bedside Accessories(Chronicle Books, 2006).
“Or maybe they’ll Google it and find out that it’s a common thing to do.”
One way to road test something kinky while staying in your comfort zone, Taylor says, is to fantasize about it together during regular sex. If it’s still a no-go, then your partner should respect your boundaries.
If he presses you at all, consider whether he’s the right guy for you.
2. Saying someone else’s name
Explaining extracurricular fantasy as relatively common may help thaw frosty relations.
“Women can say it’s just something women do, that they call on images from their past, that it’s all fantasy, that it doesn’t mean anything,” Taylor says.
“It’s probably the most honest [explanation]. These days, a lot of couples try to give more leeway when it comes to fantasy life because monogamy is a slog sometimes,” Taylor says.
This “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is a serious breach of sexual etiquette because it puts your partner’s health at risk.
Condoms aren’t 100% effective at blocking STDs; for example, herpes can be transmitted even when a condom is used. Of course, it’s not easy to say “I have an STD.”
But it’s worse if you don’t say anything or tell your partner afterward.
4. He goes limp
“Good luck slithering out of that one,” Taylor says.
“You’ll be offering a lot of unreciprocated oral sex and doing a lot of dishes to dig yourself out of that hole.”
Of course, how deep that hole is may depend on whether you screamed out George Clooney’s name… or your ex’s. The latter is especially fraught if your current partner is insecure about whether you’re really over the ex.
“You’ll be offering a lot of unreciprocated oral sex and doing a lot of dishes to dig yourself out of that hole.”
Of course, how deep that hole is may depend on whether you screamed out George Clooney’s name… or your ex’s. The latter is especially fraught if your current partner is insecure about whether you’re really over the ex.
Explaining extracurricular fantasy as relatively common may help thaw frosty relations.
“Women can say it’s just something women do, that they call on images from their past, that it’s all fantasy, that it doesn’t mean anything,” Taylor says.
“It’s probably the most honest [explanation]. These days, a lot of couples try to give more leeway when it comes to fantasy life because monogamy is a slog sometimes,” Taylor says.
“We crave variety, and if we can’t give ourselves a little freedom to stray in our fantasy life, monogamy becomes a little harder.”
3. You need to disclose that you have an STD
Many people with STDs fear that they’ll be rejected if they share their status with a partner.
That anxiety can lead men and women to keep mum about their STD, figuring that they don’t have to volunteer the information if their partners don’t inquire.
That anxiety can lead men and women to keep mum about their STD, figuring that they don’t have to volunteer the information if their partners don’t inquire.
This “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is a serious breach of sexual etiquette because it puts your partner’s health at risk.
Condoms aren’t 100% effective at blocking STDs; for example, herpes can be transmitted even when a condom is used. Of course, it’s not easy to say “I have an STD.”
But it’s worse if you don’t say anything or tell your partner afterward.
If you’re the one receiving this information, it’s important to be a compassionate listener and not freak out.
That doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to proceed with sex out of an abundance of good manners.
It’s perfectly acceptable to step back and assess what your health risk and comfort level are, then decide how (or if) you want to proceed.
Still, consider the courage and consideration it takes on his part to alert you to a potential health risk and try not to run screaming into the night.
That doesn’t mean that you’re obligated to proceed with sex out of an abundance of good manners.
It’s perfectly acceptable to step back and assess what your health risk and comfort level are, then decide how (or if) you want to proceed.
Still, consider the courage and consideration it takes on his part to alert you to a potential health risk and try not to run screaming into the night.
4. He goes limp
This happens to every guy, but it’s still an awkward moment.
Unless deflated sails are an ongoing problem, don’t make a big thing about it – he’s acutely aware of what just happened. And delving into the psychology of why he’s suddenly gone flat and what it means is only going to make the situation worse.
Unless deflated sails are an ongoing problem, don’t make a big thing about it – he’s acutely aware of what just happened. And delving into the psychology of why he’s suddenly gone flat and what it means is only going to make the situation worse.
“Who knows why it happens,” Taylor says. “He could have suddenly had a [mental] flash of his grandmother that he couldn’t control and the thought made him lose his erection.
That doesn’t mean it’s not going to come back in a few minutes.”
Follow his lead. If he’s done, okay. But if he feels he can rally with a little motivation, “don’t argue with him,” Taylor says.
“Keep going and try something else," she says.
"There are so many things you can do in bed together that don’t require an erect penis.
No woman should be bummed about that really.
Take it as a chance for him to focus on you for a few minutes.”
That doesn’t mean it’s not going to come back in a few minutes.”
Follow his lead. If he’s done, okay. But if he feels he can rally with a little motivation, “don’t argue with him,” Taylor says.
“Keep going and try something else," she says.
"There are so many things you can do in bed together that don’t require an erect penis.
No woman should be bummed about that really.
Take it as a chance for him to focus on you for a few minutes.”
5. You just want a booty call.
“Because it’s not a standard relationship, the rules aren’t set in stone,” Taylor says.
Make sure you’re both in it just for the sex. “If one person is clearly looking for something more than a hook-up, it’s rude to string them along with a series of booty calls,” says Amber Madison, author of Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-Out Guide To Sex and Sexuality (Prometheus Books, 2006).
Make sure you’re both in it just for the sex. “If one person is clearly looking for something more than a hook-up, it’s rude to string them along with a series of booty calls,” says Amber Madison, author of Hooking Up: A Girl’s All-Out Guide To Sex and Sexuality (Prometheus Books, 2006).
- Limit the drunken 3 a.m. phone calls. “That’s kind of when [flings] happen,” says Josey Vogels, author of Bedside Manners: Sex Etiquette Made Easy(HarperCollins, 2007). “But waking someone up every Friday and Saturday night might be abusing your booty call privileges a bit.”
- Be open if you’re not exclusive. “If you know your partner thinks you’re just sleeping with him, it’s unfair to let him carry on believing that,” Taylor says. “But once it’s out there, there’s no need to keep bringing it up.”
From Lifescript.com/ Posted by Mags
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