Can We talk?
“A woman’s words have incredible power to motivate or discourage her husband,” writes Rick Johnson, author of The Marriage of Your Dreams: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Her Man. “So how can a woman communicate effectively? Here are several quick and easy tips for effectively communicating with your husband (or son, father, brother, uncle, co-worker, nephew):
Give Him Space! Johnson continues: One strategy that works well with men is to tell them something you want their feedback on and then ask them to think about it for a day before answering. Since it takes a man’s brain longer to process information, this takes much of the stress and pressure off him to respond immediately -- especially to an emotionally charged issue.
Simplify! Learn to simplify the conversation. If you talk to your man like you do to your girlfriends, he will just stop listening. Most men have relatively short attention spans. If you haven’t gotten to the point within thirty seconds or so, his attention will begin to drift. It’s not that your man is not interested in you; he’s just not interested in all the details. The male brain has developed to solve problems. If we do not perceive a problem after a relatively short period of time, our brains say “There’s no problem here” and start looking for one elsewhere. Speak in sound-bite sentences that convey what you want and what’s expected of him.
One Topic at a Time, Please! Stick to one topic at a time and let a man know when you’re changing topics. Perhaps the greatest communication gift my wife has given me and my son is to let us know when she is changing subjects during a conversation. In the past, my wife would cover several different subjects while I was still trying to process the first one. If I was lucky, she would eventually circle around and end up back on the original topic, where I would just be getting up to speed. Unfortunately, I had missed all of the other stuff she had talked about in between. I found this especially confusing if she talked about two people with the same name during the conversation.
Give Him a Problem to Solve! Men love to problem-solve and are often able to disassociate themselves emotionally from the issue under those pretenses. You can get much more cooperation from a man if you present your concerns as a problem that you’d like his help solving. Rather than nagging him about an issue that’s troubling you, say something like, “Honey, I have a problem that I’d really like to get your help with.” He will be much more willing to address the problem under those circumstances.
Get Physical! Since men are action oriented, they process information more easily by moving or doing something physical. If you want to have a pleasant conversation with your husband, consider going for a walk or a hike, playing a round of golf, or even driving on a deserted highway together (so he’s not distracted by traffic). Physical activity allows a man to process information more easily. It allows his mind to focus on something and be free to listen instead of looking for solutions.
Timing Is Everything! If you bombard your man with complaints the minute he walks in the door from a hard day at work, he likely won’t be willing to listen, advises Johnson in The Marriage of Your Dreams: A Woman’s Guide to Understanding Her Man. “When your man is watching television (especially sports) or reading the newspaper, it is not a good time to try and engage him. Men do not multitask very well. If you ask him to concentrate on more than one thing at a time, you will likely both end up frustrated. Watching sports on TV is a downtime of release for men – it’s a time they recharge their batteries. When I am watching a game on television, my wife will usually say, ‘When you have a break in the game can you come and see me? I need to get your opinion on something.’ That prompting allows me to prepare myself mentally for a discussion.”By Rob Kerby/ From Beliefnet.com/ Posted by Mags
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